It's only 9 months... but it feels like Maternity...

Now Known As Postnatal Oppression

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Am having to face some serious clothing issues. I am down to 1 work suit that still fits, no jeans, hardly any blouses do up over my ever-increasing boobs, and skirts that I think "Oh yeah this'll be fine if I hoik it right up under my boobs" (grandad underpants style) until I get half way through the day and the waistband is cutting off my oxygen supply. The annoying thing is, everything still fits until I try and do the waist up. I told the husband that I am going to start a trend where it is socially acceptable for pregnant wimmin to go around with their flies completely undone. He told me I wasn't.

I did buy some stuff to wear 'when I got bigger' but it only amounted to 1 pair of trousers, a couple of stretchy wrap dresses and a couple of jumpers. I thought that would be all I'd need, perhaps for a month at the end of it all. Ha! How naive. I am going to need more. My sister in law donated a stretchy denim skirt which was a joy to put on - I could actually breathe whilst wearing it. I shall now be wearing it for the next 4 months, so it'll be able to stand up and walk out on its own by the end.

Apparently my actual physical body ends about 3 inches inside of where it may look like it ends, as anyone and everyone are happily patting my stomach, rubbing my belly and talking to my waist. Whether I want them to or not. This is an odd thing - people seem to think that it's not me they're molesting, it's "The Baby" they're chatting away to. O...K... Also, it's fine for everyone to comment on how fat I am, but it's wrong for me to say "wow, your arse has got really massive!" in return. Alright, alright, I won't do that again then.

I have been making the Husband talk to the evil alien spawn through my belly as one book said they can hear male voices better - it did some squirming so we'll assume they aren't lying. On the subject of squirming: I am not into it. It's really bloody uncomfortable at times, which is something no-one tells you. The sister-in-law of the skirt gleefully told me "Wait til it gets bigger - it really hurts when they kick you in the lungs or the bladder or the ribs." She also asked me if - wait for it - my belly button had popped out yet. Holy mother of God, this is one nightmare after another.

We were talking about Names the other day, the Husband and I. He is deliberately confusing things by saying that he likes names that a month ago he adamantly refused to consider, and then denying that he ever said he would never name a child of his that, and telling me it must be my hormones. I am going to start recording conversations with him.

On a more worrying note, my Sky+ box is dying. What on earth will we do if it doesn't work over Christmas? I am going to reset it today, and if that doesn't work, do some open-heart surgery on it and put a new hard disc in, wish me luck.


Post a Comment

<< Home