It's only 9 months... but it feels like Maternity...

Now Known As Postnatal Oppression

Monday, September 04, 2006

So today was scan day...

I woke up at about half six worried what I would say when there turned out to be nothing in there, or that it'd be all dried up and hanging there like a manky grape. It said on my letter from the ultrasound department that I needed to drink a pint of water an hour before my appointment, so like a good girl that's what I did. I then nearly made us late because I couldn't find my cardigan (still can't, and haven't seen it for months come to think of it), so we were racing to the reception, I was pissed off about my cardigan, the husband and I were sniping at each other about anything and I needed a huge pee.

Didn't have to wait very long, then we went into the room and the sonographer did her stuff with the gel and the thing that looks like an epilator. The first thing she said was "Just one, no company in there," which I was a bit disappointed at because twins are interesting, if somewhat freaky, and which I was fairly surprised at, being half convinced there was nothing in there. Then she swung the monitor around so we could have a look and there it was. Swimming around on its head, waving arms and legs with gay abandon. Definitely in there; definitely not a grape.

The sonographer then said "My, your bladder is very full, isn't it," which made me want to pee even more. She tried to measure the evil alien spawn, at which point it sulkily turned its back on her and refused to co-operate, so she poked and pushed at it with the epilator (bladder control threatening to shut down) until it turned again. Apparently it was healthy and normal and it didn't matter that it was upside down and doing headspins. She also said that we had a good clear view of it because I'm "fairly slim", lovely lady. She sold us on 1 photo and made the husband go outside and put £3 in the machine, then gave us 1 in a little card wallet and one not (do you normally get 2 then, or did she just like us? Or, as the husband said, because he was the best looking husband there?). Then she made us leave. I reckon it took around 10 minutes for that bit, and 5 minutes for the wee I had to do immediately after (it wouldn't stop... I thought I'd finished, and then did another whole normal-sized wee again).

Then it was round the corner to see a midwife, who came hobbling towards us using a walking stick - not a reassuring sight? I got weighed (thank god I'd had the wee first, there was at least an extra kilo in there) and height-measured (at which point the husband coughed "borderline dwarf!" oh he thinks he is so funny) , and then she asked me if I had read the notes on tests for Down's Sydrome and what had I decided on. I hadn't realised I was going to be quizzed on those... but after a second I managed to act like I knew what she was on about and found the right page in the booklet straight away so I could tell her that yes thank you, I would have the initial test that is offered to everyone, and thank you for taking that snotty look off your face while you're about it. I was also given a big wodge of Maternity Notes that I now have to carry any where they are going to stick things in me or prod/poke me from now on. Oh and more baby stuff to read. Am going to need a bigger folder to put it all in and it's just going to make me feel sick again.

The mums are thrilled, Husband's Mum took the scan photo to mean the same as the baby-stuff-buying starter's pistol, and My Mum couldn't get over being able to see her first grandchild so soon and kept telling me how much things have changed since 1973.

By the way, my god, poor old Steve Irwin... what an absolutely unbelievable, Omen-style way to die. I'll raise a glass to you Steve, you were one of the few Australians I could stomach. I'm sure he's now telling St. Francis of Assisi not to be such a pussy and to just grab it by the neck.,1,19923,00.html


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