What's it FOR though?

Looking at some of the other serious proper blogs around here, I feel a bit self-indulgent using this just to waffle on about me and boring things happening to me. Still, I take comfort in the fact that no-one will actually read this nonsense.

I think this is meant to be an in-depth look at a first pregnancy, from the point of view of someone who is hopefully still sane. The idea of a blog was suggested to me as a way of counteracting all the sugary, earth-mother assumptions in the few books and magazines I've glanced at, that
(1) all I have ever wanted to do as a woman is have a baby, and have spent the last few years of married life trying to convince my husband that a baby is the icing on the cake and/or breathlessly trying to conceive and collapsing in tears at the onset of every period;
(2) now I am pregnant, I am a precious princess, I must only eat organic whole foods which have been watered with mountain spring water, chanted over by monks/pagans/shamans and then coaxed from mother earth by vestal virgins, and I must seal myself in a hermetic vacuum in case I come into contact with smoke/alcohol/pollution/soil/animals/air
(3) all my aspirations/desires/goals have now been fulfilled and I can relax into 'motherhood' as I will never ever want to do anything else. Ever.

None of these things are me. I want to kill people who are these things. [Disclaimer: I do not actually harbour murderous intentions. I overstate things for dramatic effect. I hope this stands up in court].

I know a few things before we start. I know that nothing is more dull than some up-the-stick tart going on and on about her pregnancy, and then about her kids. In fact I'm already bored of it and it's happening to me. I cringe whenever someone mentions their kids. I also know, that for some (the majority?) of women, motherhood is what they have always wanted and they want everyone to know how happy they are. I'm not slating these people, I just don't want them to expect me to be the same. Hey, we're all different, live and let live, blah blah.

A few things about me are probably needed beforehand as well: I'm a bit negative. I do it for a laugh half the time. I'm rarely serious about what I say, it's up to you to decide what I'm being serious about and what I'm not. It bothers me not the slightest. I also don't care if you disagree with me and think I'm a horrible cow at any point.

OK. Are we clear? Great stuff.