It's only 9 months... but it feels like Maternity...

Now Known As Postnatal Oppression

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Things I like about having a Spawn:
  • There's always someone to talk to in the supermarket or clothes shops. He's pretty good company, and his taste in clothes is really quite advanced
  • When he wants only me to hold him or cuddle him (admittedly not that often, but it's nice to be wanted)
  • When he learns how to do something new, or learns to avoid my tricks ("what's that over there?" [raspberry on neck] )
  • Smiling and laughing at our private jokes
  • Dressing him in cute/hilarious outfits
  • Toys and kids' books
  • Being able to chat to just about anyone now about "kids" - first class small talk - I was having a thoroughly engrossing chat about breastfeeding and soreness with a strapping 24-year old (male) soldier just the other day
  • The smell of top-to-toe wash
  • Remembering words to nursery rhymes and songs
  • His expressions when he's chatting away to me about something hugely interesting, like a potato masher
  • There's always something to photograph

Things I dislike about having a Spawn:

  • Screaming fits. Two small words, that encompass sooooo much stress, despair, confusion, resentment, embarrassment and general pissed-offness
  • Poo (I really hate poo)
  • Not being able to sleep later than 6.30am, ever - late nights are embarked upon at your own risk
  • Feeling helpless and sorry for him when he's ill
  • Guilt when having to hold him still for jabs
  • Seemingly never having a minute to read or catch up on my Sky+
  • The horrible suspicion that it is going to be years before the Husband and I can ever go for a proper evening out together - cinema, leisurely meal, late our dreams
  • Having to delay all my dream holiday destinations until we retire, and book 'family-friendly' holidays now. The Maldives may well be underwater completely, and Fidel's not going to wait for me.
  • The only songs I find myself humming now are either nursery rhymes or childrens' television theme tunes (All together now - "Yes, my name is Iggle Piggle...")
  • Losing stuff. I now get apoplectic if I can't find a particular dummy, or a muslin, or something equally insignificant. I have no idea why this has happened to me

On the whole, I would say that I'd recommend it to anyone. But is that just because I'm on the sinking ship, and I'm bloody well going to make sure I take as many other buggers down with me as possible? What you have to ask yourself is, do you feel lucky?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello! Come back! I miss you! Your account of birth was the best I ever read, and really helped in my birth experience (she's almost two now).

And I'm glad I'm not the only mom that keeps up a running dialogue with my kid while shoppingl. She's good company.

Hope you are all well....

11:41 AM  

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